Not yet sure the point of this post, just thoughts out loud trying to get back to motivated.
Lately, I have zero motivation. I get home from class or work and just want to live tweet The Bachelorette and build my SimCity. No matter how many Instagram accounts of the jacked and famous I look at, I just think, ‘it’d be nice to look like that’ and wait for my factories to finish my materials.
I don’t know what my problem is; maybe it’s because my number one #fitnessgoals is now engaged and massively pregnant. Maybe it’s because everyone and their mothers are competing in bikini competitions these days. Maybe it’s because I experienced my biggest failure when I recently didn’t achieve a C- in organic chemistry and am now retaking it at a community college while concurrently taking biochemistry at the U. Thanks for not cutting me any slack, AP, I’ll send you my tuition bill. Hypothetically, does one send the tuition bill to the office or home of the professor who did a subpar job the first go-around? Asking for a friend. Either way, I haven’t been following an eating plan and I haven’t been going to the gym.
I haven’t been sticking to a real diet plan and have been back to restricting a lot. Around 1500 kcal usually. Most of the time it just feels easier to eat less. Plus I feel better when my hipbones jut and and my cheeks deflate a little bit. I’m totally healthy, I just struggle eating a lot of calories. Everyone says how great I look, how much better I look now than I did before. It’s hilarious because no one ever says anything about worrying about you when you’re overweight, but now that I’m not, everyone tells me how “concerned” for my health they were back then. “I was really starting to worry about you.” Maybe it’s not a good thing we’ve become so accepting of unhealthy weights, promoting feeling good emotionally over being healthy. Maybe we should increase nutrition education in elementary and middle schools early on so when a kid transfers back to high school with the kids she grew up with in elementary school, she wouldn’t cry and beg her mom not to make her go to school because none of her clothes look good and the now “cool” girls with whom she used to be best friends ignore her. Maybe we could help a kid to be healthy instead of allowing her to develop disordered eating habits that cause an old high school teacher to message her saying she’s concerned about her when, in reality, she’s finally getting healthy and a “friend” to comment on a proud progress photo saying how he’s not trying to start anything, but he thinks she looked better before and the comment gets more likes than the photo itself. Maybe kids wouldn’t have anything from which to recover, but could just be healthy all along. Maybe real women are healthy regardless of having curves or not…
No matter how small I get, my body still feels bigger than it is. I still compare my body to others and think I’m closer in size to those larger than mine, while smalls usually hang on me. I’m still surprised when my boyfriend’s shirt fits like a dress, as if I knew we were pretty close in size. It’s hard to accept I’ve gotten so close to my goal weight. At my annual physical, my doctor congratulated me on losing weight, but said I should probably stop trying to lose weight now. When I argued that I still had stomach fat I wanted to lose, she had to lift up my gown to check, and maintained I’m fine. Since I’ve been so unmotivated, I’ve just been eating less and not hitting the gym. So my first Monday resolution is to go to the gym or run everyday. I’ve always been way too self-conscious to run outside and I hate running, but I’ve wanted to be one of those cool people who can run for miles in the sun.
Becoming more physically active means I should eat more, resolution two. I need to get back to eating prepped foods, veggies and protein. I’m realizing I’ve become one of those Twitter people who tells everyone to eat well and workout, but doesn’t do either and is just skinny. I need to start holding myself more accountable, starting on this fine Monday.
- Go to the gym or run everyday.
- Eat more. More vegetables, fruit, and lean protein.
- Use less hashtags on Instagram.
- Use Duolingo everyday.
- Blog more.
Recent photo updates:
Ice cream at Sebastian Joe’s. Nicollet Avenue Pot Hole and Oreo.
Postrun selfie. I think my legs are still sore.
Brunch at Tao Natural Foods. I love waffles.
Ice cream at Ben and Jerry’s. Fudge brownie and cookie dough.
4th of July cupcakes. My pride and joy. I piped alternating colored batter into the cups to make them striped.